sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
