Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Who died my cat blue again?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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