Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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