The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
