it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
