just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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