He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
