I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
