we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
