what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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