I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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