why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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