So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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