I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
