I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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