about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
