Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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