so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
