I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
