and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
