did you get engaged???
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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