wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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