and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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