So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
