im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
