Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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