she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
