Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
