i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
