i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
