I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
