What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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