He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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