Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
