quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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