Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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