I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
