you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
