Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
