Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
