How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
