He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
