I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
