Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
