New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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