I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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