i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
