Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
