Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
