awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
