And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
