and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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